“Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations. Don’t over-analyze your relationships. Stop playing games. A growing relationship can only be nurtured by genuineness.” — Leo F. Buscaglia
If you’re like some, then you probably didn’t grow up being taught how to find the perfect partner or how to be the perfect partner. Besides, no one is perfect and the sooner we let go of illusions of perfection and idealizations, trust me when I say, the happier we’ll be.
The fact is, if you weren’t being taught self-love, a healthy attachment with others and a healthy relationship with yourself first, then recognizing the red flags in relationships probably wasn’t being taught at home, either. …
“We’re only as needy as our unmet needs.” — John Bowlby
I want to give due respect to explaining the Disorganized attachment, as it’s often the least discussed of the four main attachment styles. A Disorganized attachment is also known as Anxious-Avoidant or Fearful-Avoidant, and is said to fall along the far ends of the spectrum as a combination of both Anxious and Avoidant attachment styles.
Disorganized attachment is perhaps the most in need of supportive resources and understanding because of its impact on those battling it. …
“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.” — Sigmund Freud
Have you ever had someone tell you to “Just get over it”, or to have a “Stiff upper lip”? Most of us have at one time or another, which is usually the last thing we want to hear.
We may have had our heart handed to us from a narcissistic discard, or gotten tangled up with a “friend” who found pleasure in pouring salt on an open wound.
We may be battling a health diagnosis or other stressful life transitions that require less kitschy sayings and more empathy. …
“If a person loves only one other person and is indifferent to all others, his love is not love but a symbiotic attachment, or an enlarged egotism.” — Erich Fromm
I write regularly about attachment styles because they are critical for how we view ourselves and others, whether we become emotionally invested, and how our attachment style affects us throughout our lives.
How we relate to others plays out subliminally in how we feel about ourselves, how present we remain in our relationships and in our relationship history.
Most importantly, our attachment style affects the quality of our relationships.
If you are among the lucky ones, you were handed a Secure attachment in childhood — this is the Gold Standard that offers security, trust, autonomy, self-direction, self-love, boundaries and self-respect. Your self-identity is solid. Those who develop a Secure attachment in childhood, usually carry it with them through adulthood. …
“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
In Ralph Waldo Emerson’s essay titled “Self-Reliance”, he argues that to be self-reliant, we need to stay true to ourselves while shunning conformity and relying on our own abilities in times of adversity.
Makes sense, right?
A self-reliant person should be able to handle their own needs. They should know when to make adjustments as needed and to continue striving for individualism by trusting themselves, their judgement and their intuition.
Yet, nearly two centuries after Emerson’s essay, we aren’t much closer in objectively identifying self-reliance, which only adds to its complexity. …
“A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances. The real mistake is to stop trying.” — B.F. Skinner
I’ve always seen it as an anomaly that those we think should have a healthy relationship with themselves are often their own worst enemy. These are the same people who can come across as humble, yet if you dig a little deeper, it’s not so much humility as much as it is a complete disbelief in themselves and their value.
While we may look up to them as someone to aspire to be like, they’re ruled by a vicious inner critic that feeds them lies and half-truths, keeping them chained to misbeliefs that they aren’t worth a damn. …
“…Underneath the so-called narcissistic personality is definitely shame and paralyzing fear of being ordinary.” — Brené Brown
There are two main types of narcissism seen in clinical settings. While most clinicians can spot the more “stereotypical” form of narcissistic behavior pretty easily based on identifiable patterns, the other form of narcissism is more vague, and can be tougher to recognize.
Statistically speaking, Narcissistic Personality Disorder is actually a pretty rare diagnosis. On average, there is a lifetime prevalence of approximating 6% , with more males than females being diagnosed annually. …
“Solitude matters, and for some people, it’s the air they breathe” ― Susan Cain
Do you know someone who prefers reading a book or working on their laptop at home over noisy and overcrowded places? Who has a deep appreciation for equally deep conversation but finds idle chitchat shallow and unfulfilling? Someone who screens their calls or pushes them through to voicemail and only returns them after they’ve had time to recharge?
Or, do you know someone who dreads the idea of spending their Saturday at a house party surrounded by dozens of people and needs the rest of the weekend to recoup…alone? …
“As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.” — Carl Jung
It’s a known fact that some people are more hardwired for drama and chaos than others. No matter how smooth-sailing their lives may seem, every now and then boom…they throw a wrench in the works.
They may sabotage an otherwise stable relationship with their S.O., or have unstable and drama-filled relationships with family and friends. Even more common is sabotaging the relationship they have with themselves, thus sabotaging their chance for peace.
Their behavior may be brushed off as just being a thrill seeker with a low threshold for boredom or that they’re only trying to find their place in the…
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” — Carl Jung
Relationships always start out pretty amazing or most of us wouldn’t bother sticking around. New relationships bring an element of novelty and excitement where shared experiences with our partner can open up a new world of sights, sounds, and feelings we didn’t know existed.
The fact is, anyone who has invested in a long-term commitment built on personal growth is going to get more out of that relationship. …