“After a traumatic experience, the human system of self-preservation seems to go onto permanent alert, as if the danger might return at any moment.” — Judith Lewis Herman
Experiencing a traumatic event can be one of the most life-changing (or life-shattering) things we go through. Any event that triggers a fight/flight/freeze response has the potential to flip our lives upside down. When a single event is exponentially increased, along with repeatedly feeling fight/flight/freeze — you can find yourself at risk for developing complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (cPTSD).
There’s been longstanding controversy surrounding cPTSD since Dr. Judith Lewis Herman first proposed…
“In therapy, the problem is always the whole person, never the symptom alone. We must ask questions that challenge the whole personality.” ~Carl Jung
Carl Jung is one of the most influential theorists on psychoanalysis of our time.
His theories on archetypes, and especially our “Shadow” self are explained as what lies within our unconscious — all the parts of our personality we deny or distract ourselves from.
Our Ego is what is vying for control to keep the content of our “shadow” hidden. …
“Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol, morphine or idealism.” — Carl Jung
Most of us have probably all heard the words, Trauma Bond. If you’re lucky, you’ve never experienced its mindfuck and heartfuck.
If you aren’t so lucky, then you are probably familiar with how it starts, why it starts and the push-pull that’s created because of it.
We know the obvious signs of a traumatic bonding. For example, everyone is always walking on eggshells. …
“The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain.” And the source of pain is always and invariably to be found in a person’s lived experience, beginning with childhood.” — Gabor Maté
Some call it walking on eggshells. Some might say it’s toxic. And others, will call it the push-pull dance. Whatever label we choose to slap on it, two things always ring true:
Recognizing what motivates us to keep cycling back to what’s comfortable and familiar…
“In insecure relationships, we disguise our vulnerabilities so our partner never really sees us.” ~Dr. Sue Johnson
I write a lot about push-pull relationships, or “chasing and running” because these patterns influence our happiness and our ability to authentically connect with others. The attachments we form early in life dictate not only the quality of our adult relationships, but the security and health of them.
And, how they play out for us throughout our lives.
Most of us know the basics of a push-pull relationship. Many of us have probably been in one at some point in our lives. Chasers…
To love is to be vulnerable, to give someone your heart and say, “I know this could hurt so bad, but I’m willing to be vulnerable and love you.” — Brene Brown
If we look at a building in terms of its construction, then a solid foundation is going to be the most important part. Any building that has a secure base is going to last. It’ll thrive. And it will endure.
On the flipside, anything that’s made from shoddy materials, a poor foundation, or half-assed effort is going to be unstable. …
“Not all addictions are about drugs or alcohol. Some of the most toxic addictions are found in our adult relationships that replay our childhood trauma.” — Author
I was asked to write this. I know there’s an ongoing need for this information to get out — to give everyone a voice who may have gone unheard earlier in their lives out of “respect” (fear) of their elders.
Some of us grew up in an era that minimized a child’s choices or their voice. It seems that an entire generation was conditioned to recognize “The Look” of their parent’s raised eyebrow…
”Immature love says: ‘I love you, because I need you.’ Mature love says: ‘I need you, because I love you.” ― Erich Fromm
Have you heard of an amorous narcissist? Hey, if you haven’t, you’re not alone. With so many catch-phrases and trending words out there nowadays about what a narcissist allegedly is, and how to supposedly identify one, it can be tough to keep up.
Jump online and do a search on narcissism and you’ll quickly fall down a rabbit hole: Grandiose. Exhibitionist. Closet. Devaluing. Covert. Fragile. Overt. Malignant. Inverted. Sadistic. White Knight. Somatic. Cerebral. Sexual. Vulnerable.
“People with BPD are like people with 3rd degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.” — Dr. Marsha M. Linehan
Maybe you know someone who fits this bill: they’ve battled feelings of depression, anxiety, emptiness, anger, fears of being left behind, and impulsive behavior for years. Maybe you’ve watched them destroy their healthy relationships, and settle for a toxic relationship as the stamp of their self-sabotage.
You may have heard them say they never felt like they fit in. They may seem socially awkward — vacillating between being…
“If both the physiological and the safety needs are fairly well gratified, then there will emerge the love and affection and belongingness needs.” — Abraham Maslow
Have you heard of a rollercoaster relationship? The rollercoaster is one of the most common, and most emotionally toxic relationships we can experience. Yet, like a masochistic moth to the flame, we’re addicted to its heat.
Up. Down. Up. Then, down for another crash.
No, they’re not only found in intimate relationships, although this is where we usually first spot the cycle. …
Psychologist. Board Certified Behavior Analyst. Certified Trauma & Addictions Specialist. Specializes in BPD, cPTSD & emotional/behavioral addiction.